In a blended family, deciding what the kids should call their stepparents can be a challenging issue.

Some of us can remember the  1970s television series “The Brady Bunch,” the children referred to their stepparents as “Mom” or “Dad.” In another popular series, "Sister Sister" from the 1990s, the opposite occurred when the girls referred to their stepparents by their respective names, "Lisa" and "Ray." In real life, many parents might strongly object to a stepparent taking on this title, regardless of how close their relationship may be.

For some stepparents, it may feel completely natural for a child whom they love and actively help raise to call them “mom,” “dad,” or a similar term. This is especially true for younger children, particularly when their other biological parent is less present in their lives.

What a stepparent is called or referred to may seem to be insignificant in the grand scheme of a divided family, it is important to remember that labels carry personal and emotional weight. Our attorneys understand that disagreements between homes regarding name usage can lead to significant conflicts between co-parents and stepparents.

A New Jersey case, B.S. v. T.S., provides insight into how Family Courts handle this issue. Although it is a non-published (non-precedential) opinion, it still offers valuable guidance for future cases.

In this case, the divorced parents shared joint custody of their 8-year-old son, with the father having primary residential custody and the mother regularly exercising her parenting time. Both parents were fit and actively involved in their son's life, playing a positive role.

After the divorce, the father entered into a long-term relationship with another woman, who had residential custody of her own three children from a previous marriage. They dated for several years before moving in together with all the children. By the time of the 2015 court case, the couple was engaged, and there was no dispute that their relationship was loving, stable, and healthy.

The plaintiff’s son developed a close relationship with his soon-to-be stepmother and her three children. He consistently referred to his dad as “Dad” and his mom as “Mom.” Traditionally, he addressed his soon-to-be stepmother by her first name, but he had begun calling her “Mom” when he was at his dad’s house, in line with how the other children referred to her. The father insisted that this shift occurred naturally and without any prompting.

However, the child's mother was hurt by this change. She blamed the father and the new stepmother for allowing and encouraging the use of the term “Mom,” believing it undermined the significance of her relationship with her son. According to her, nobody but herself should be called “Mom” by her son. She also sought to limit the stepmother’s influence on important decisions regarding the child.

The Court conducted a private interview with the child in chambers as part of the proceedings. During this interview, it was evident that the child had a strong relationship with both parents. He clearly recognized who his biological mother and father were, expressed affection for his new stepmother, and confirmed that he felt comfortable calling her "Mom" at times and using her first name at other times. There was no evidence suggesting that he was coerced, manipulated, or instructed to call his stepmother "Mom," nor that this choice was intended to disrespect or distance himself from his biological mother.

The Court ruled that while children of divorce may have limited control over decisions made on their behalf, they should have the right to call their stepparent "Mom" or "Dad" if the stepparent is open to such titles. This ruling assumes that the child's decision is entirely voluntary and that they are mature enough to distinguish between their biological parent and stepparent without confusion. Neither parent can force the child to use or avoid these titles.

Exceptions may exist in cases where a child is still an infant or toddler, or if a stepparent tries to encourage the child to call them by a parental name when the child feels uncomfortable doing so.

A key point made by the court in this case is that if a child chooses to refer to a stepparent as “mom” or “dad,” it does not mean that the stepparent is legally recognized as a parent. Stepparents do not have the same rights or responsibilities as the child's biological parents. Major parenting decisions should be made solely by the parents, although stepparents may provide assistance or guidance to their partner. They can also play a positive and ongoing role in the child’s life and well-being.

If you have any questions or concerns about how your child addresses their stepparent or the role the stepparent is playing in your child’s life, we are here to help.