Steps in a New Jersey Divorce
May 6, 2024
Who gets the house in a Divorce
May 20, 2024
Divorce can be understandably complicated when two people with interwoven lives, finances, families, and more decide to separate. In addition to the emotional strength needed to decide to leave, there are also a lot of technical logistics to keep in mind. The process can seem overwhelming or daunting for some, but the first step is understanding what needs to be done. Once you know what to expect, the process becomes more manageable.
STEP 1: HIRE A GREAT DIVORCE ATTORNEY
Yes, it can seem more straightforward and less expensive if you and your spouse can settle your divorce without lawyers or litigation. However, that is only possible in some cases. Where emotions are running high, children are involved, or there is significant property/assets to divide, personal agreements between couples don’t usually tend to be enough. Couples who settle their own divorces often turn to litigation later when they realize they left out some issues at the time of the divorce, they agreed to something they shouldn’t have, or information was misrepresented to them at the time of the agreement.
You want to find an attorney to fight for you and be upfront with you. Transparent costs, honest setting of expectations, and experience are the most critical factors to look for.
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STEP 2: UNDERSTAND THE SCOPE OF YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION
When getting a divorce, one of the main goals is to address the distribution of assets and debt. Ideally, this distribution will be as fair as possible, so a clear understanding of your household’s finances is necessary.
The questions you want to keep in mind for many assets are:
- When was it purchased?
- Who’s name is it in?
- How much money did you/they put down at the time of purchase?
- How much is owed on it still?
- Who paid for it?
- Was it paid for from a joint account?
- Have both parties enjoyed full, unrestricted use of the asset?
- Who will continue to pay for the asset now that parties are divorcing?
The assets you want to examine are:
- The Marital Home and any other homes owned.
- Other Property (Rental Property, Boats, RVs, etc.)
- Vehicles
- Artwork
Bank Accounts are also essential to note, as you want to be clear on the following:
- When was the account opened?
- Who’s name is the account in?
- Have both partners used the account?
- How much money is in the account?
- What types of things have they used the account for?
- Who contributes money into that account?
Pensions, IRA’s, Trusts, etc can be stressful to divide. Key concerns there are:
- When was the IRA, Pension, or Trust established?
- In whose name was it set up?
- Who is the beneficiary of the account?
- Who has contributed to the account?
- Were the contributions to the account made from income earned during the marriage?
Besides determining the assets of your marriage, you want to pay equal attention to what you both owe. The courts often divide marital debt based on who can better afford to pay it, so you want to have all the details required to anticipate how that debt will be divided.
- When was the debt incurred?
- Who’s name is the debt in?
- Who has been making payments towards this debt?
- Who is in a better financial position to pay this debt?
- Did both parties benefit from the taking on of this debt?
- Did both parties approve of taking on this debt?
Organizing your finances also means understanding your and your spouse’s income. You’ll need a copy of recent pay stubs and tax returns if either of you are salaried employees. If possible, you want to get copies of this information before filing for divorce, or at least review them to get a rough estimate of your spouse’s income before filing.
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STEP 3: ESTABLISH YOUR OWN CREDIT AND BANK ACCOUNTS
Unfortunately, it is pretty standard that when a spouse has filed for divorce, one spouse decides to raid the bank accounts. It can happen out of anger, spite, or fear. Establishing a separate bank account is often a safe bet. Open an account, remove half the funds from joint accounts, and deposit them into your new accounts. That does not mean you have free reign to go crazy with the money! Keep careful track of your spending because those funds may still need to be accounted for during the divorce proceedings.
Moreover, a divorce can make purchasing a home or car challenging due to shared credit with your spouse. Establishing credit or improving your credit score is vital, and one of the simplest ways to do that is to get a credit card in your name only.
If there are any investment accounts, pulling money from them will usually incur fees. If you are worried that your spouse may tamper with your savings accounts, money market accounts, IRAs, 401Ks, or any other accounts they may have access to, consider having those accounts frozen after speaking with your attorney.
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STEP 4: FIGURE OUT YOUR POST-DIVORCE NECESSITIES
Once divorced, you must learn how to live on your own again. You must figure out your living costs and remember that your income might drastically reduce after such a significant life change. This information will also be helpful when negotiating your divorce settlement.
STEP 5: DECIDE WHETHER TO STAY OR LEAVE
Because marital finances are often intermingled and difficult to separate, it can be challenging to afford to maintain separate households while the divorce is in process. Still, there are considerations to be aware of.
First, if you move out of your marital home, it could impact your property interest. For example, suppose you move out, and your spouse pays the mortgage the entire time your divorce case is pending. A judge may consider that when it comes to property distribution. Now, it doesn’t always work against you, but it is certainly something you will want to talk over with one of our attorneys before you decide. If you must move out, consider continuing to pay your portion of the mortgage payment (and keep records of the payments).
Secondly, suppose your spouse’s income is higher than yours, but you want to remain in the home after the divorce. In that case, you will want to negotiate for your spouse to continue to pay the mortgage or at least a part of it after the divorce. Moving out of the home severely weakens your ability to negotiate to keep it.
Also, suppose you remain in the home, and your spouse moves out, and your spouse has a higher income than you. In that case, you may be able to file for temporary spousal support, also known as pendente lite support, requesting that your spouse continue to pay the mortgage and other bills until the divorce case is finalized. Speak with your attorney about your options before making any decisions about moving.
In the case of domestic abuse, you have the option of a temporary restraining order and may be able to obtain an order of temporary possession of the home to protect yourself. Let your attorney know if you and your spouse have a history of domestic or sexual violence.
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Have a safety plan - somewhere you and your children can go where you can be safe.
STEP 6: BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR
Divorces become contentious quickly - emotions run high, and much is at stake. However, anything that a judge can construe as inappropriate or underhanded behavior can be used against you in Court, so do not do anything that can paint you in a bad light. Your behavior is critical if child custody is at issue. Never send nasty emails or texts, or leave rude voicemails.
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STEP 7: CREATE A SAFE SPACE
Divorce is painful. Developing a healthy way to cope for yourself and your children is vital. Find people to support you emotionally, especially when dealing with trauma such as domestic abuse. Talk to a financial planner because the economic changes that come with divorce can be an enormous stressor for anyone.
Divorce can be even more painful for children. Speaking poorly of your spouse, using the kids as messengers and bargaining chips, relational tension, and drawn-out court battles will all have a negative and lasting impact on the children.
Remember that your kids are not your emotional support; you are theirs, so remember to nurture their sense of safety, security, and love during this time. Children are half you and half your spouse, so do not speak poorly about your spouse. Do your best to model healthy grieving and emotional coping skills. It is okay for the children to see tears, and it is okay for them to know that you are sad your family is changing, but assure them that it is not destroyed - just different. Let them see you work through the pain with healthy habits. They may need someone to talk to about the situation - a youth leader, therapist, school guidance counselor, or maybe even their favorite coach.
NOW WHAT?
Now that you have hired an attorney, understand your financial situation, set up your accounts, and decided on your living situation, you are most likely ready to file for divorce. See our article on the Steps of a Divorce Case here to learn more.
Call our experienced attorneys at 865-795-0020 to schedule a free consultation.
*This web site is designed for general information only. The information presented on this site should not be construed to be formal legal advice nor the formation of a lawyer/client relationship.